Letter From Jeepers Lyrics

Performed by: Bob Guy
     
Doris, get out your poison pen and take a letter. I 
have to write to Count Dracula. You know he wrote 
me a letter of that sort...
     
  Dear Count Dracula,
    I am writing to you from Cucamonga... Ha-ha!
  Cucamonga? The weather is lovely. The nausea 
  of noon. The wind is always blowing and the 
  sun never shines. And it's rainy and damp four 
  hundred days of the year.
    I enjoyed the party very much. Especially the
  sumptuous feast you had prepared. It was 
  thrilling. From the first appetizers, the 'Chicken 
  Fried Grub Worms,' on through the dessert, 
  ohhhh... 'Blood Pudding!' Oh, I love 'Blood 
  Pudding!' Oh, yes! It was a masterpiece of 
  culinary skill.
    Although I... I was worried for a moment when
  you... you said the main course was... 'Fish and 
  Chips.' We are not THAT plebeian in Cucamonga. 
  But my fears were quickly allayed when I discov- 
  ered to my delight it was 'Silverfish and Buffalo 
  Chips!' Ho-ho! Oh, unique! Oh, they're so 
  squirmy! Oh-ho-ho! Oh, the first one went
  down easy, but the second one was greasy! 
  Ho-ho-ho...!
  Oh my... Oh, I'm getting carried away, because 
  I... I really must apologise for getting tipsy and 
  singing. But I have always wanted to be the
  DEATH of the party.
     
Uh, when you hear the pellets drop, count ten and 
take a deep breath...