On the Twentieth Century Lyrics

(The scene is a Chicago theater in the early 1930's where Oscar Jaffee, a famous producer/ director, is closing his fourth consecutive flop in the middle of a performance.  Oscar is in hiding, his company is stranded, but the clever Jaffee slithers away.  He has a plan and orders his press agent, OWEN O'MALLEY and his business manager, OLIVER WEBB, to get him to New York via Rail ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY.)

			OLIVER AND OWEN
	SADDLE UP THE HORSE WITHOUT DELAY.
	SHIP AHOY!  WE SAIL AT BREAK OF DAY.
	OURS NOT TO QUESTION--OURS NOT REASON.
	OURS TO OBEY!
			OWEN
		(Spoken)
Back at the hotel, I'll keep them busy at the desk

			OLIVER
I'll sneak the bags out the back

			BOTH
Right!
		(Sung)
	PUT DOWN THE DRAWBRIDGE
	WHILE YOU KEEP THE MOTOR RACING
	MAYBE WE'LL HAVE TO SWIM THE RIVER
	WORKING FOR JAFFE THOUGH CONTINUALLY BRACING

			OLIVER
	ALSO DESTROYS THE HEART AND LIVER!

			BOTH	
	WHAT'S NEW TODAY?
	WE'RE GONNA SNEAK AWAY
	THROUGH A SHOW'R OF ROTTEN EGGS
	WITH OUR TAILS BETWEEN OUR LEGS
	ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY
	THE TWENTIETH CENTURY
	IN DRAWING ROOM "A"

(There is the LOUD BLAST of a train horn as the SCENE changes from backstage to the MAIN LOBBY of CHICAGO GRAND CENTRAL STATION.  OLIVER and OWEN disappear into the crowds of PASSENGERS, RED CAPS, PORTERS, AGENTS which are busily chatting, pacing and preparing for the 16-hour trip to NEW YORK)

			ALL
		(SUNG)
	WE POINT WITH THE DEEPEST PRIDE
	TO THE GRANDEST RIDE 
	ON THE NEW YORK CENTRAL RAILROAD
	THE ARISTOCRAT OF LOCOMOTIVE TRAINS...

	NEW YORK IN SIXTEEN HOURS!
	ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THOSE SIXTEEN HOURS!
	ON THAT MIGHTY RIDE 
	THE NIGHTY MIRACLE OF ENGINEERING BRAINS

	ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY!
	ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY!
	ON THE LUXURY LINER OF LOCOMOTIVE TRAINS!...

	ALL THE SERVICE YOU ENJOY WHILE STATIONARY
	WHEN YOU ARE AT HOME OR AT A SWELL HOTEL.
	NOW IS YOURS!

	AT SIXTY MILES AN HOUR
	FROM A STAFF THAT JUMPS
	TO SERVE YOU WHEN YOU
	RING YOUR BELL!

	ALL ABOARD!  LEAVE CARES BEHIND YOU
	SAY GOODBYE TO TIES THAT BIND YOU!

			MEN
	HAVE YOUR PANTS PRESSED.

			WOMEN
	HAVE YOUR HAIR CURLED

			ALL
	NOTHING BUT THE BEST!
	ON THIS EIGHTH WONDER OF THE WORLD!

			ALL (cont)
	OUR HEARTS WITH EMOTION REELS
	AS THIS PRINCE OF WHEELS
	STARTS TO MAKE ITS DAILY JOURNEY--
	EITHER CHI N.Y. OR ELSE N.Y. TO CHI........
	
	NEW YORK IN SIXTEEN HOURS!
	ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THOSE SIXTEEN HOURS!
	AS IN FLIGHT ACROSS THE NIGHT
	AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL ROLLS BY!

	ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY
	ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY
	ON THE LUXURY LINER
	BETWEEN N.Y. AND CHI.....

	LIFE AND LOVE AND LUCK MAY BE CHANGED
	HOPE RENEWED AND FATE REARRANGED
	ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY
	ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY
	ON THE LUXURY LINER
	BETWEEN N.Y. AND CHI........

	LIFE AND LOVE AND LUCK MAY BE CHANGED!
	HOPE RENEWED AND FATE REARRANGED!

	ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY!
	ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY!
	ON THE LUXURY LINER
	BETWEEN N.Y. AND CHI!